


Phantom Pains

by Alyas_Alias



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Established Relationship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, phantom pains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 08:27:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15044870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alyas_Alias/pseuds/Alyas_Alias
Summary: Bucky suffers from phantom pains of his left arm. He's not the only one battling phantoms tonight. Note, mentions of blood.





	Phantom Pains

**Author's Note:**

> A short drabble piece formed around the idea that Bucky's an amputee and as such might suffer from phantom pain. Couple that with some irony of a character suffering from phantom pains because they had limbs added to them as opposed to Bucky's missing limb.
> 
> Note that this is meant to be a "reader" piece even if I don't use "Y/N". The character was given the name "Angie" by the Avengers due to her wings. Her backstory is that she was a human experiment by HYDRA. She had wings grafted onto her and she became "the Reaper" or "Angel of Death" due to her wings, assassinations, and prowess with a scythe. The Avengers managed to capture her after botching her last assassination. HYDRA's mind-wiping was far more effective on her--leaving her a blank slate for HYDRA to put in orders. When the Avengers caught her she had no memories whatsoever. They had programmed a kill-switch in her head that basically dumped all her memories, including the ones of the mission. With no memories at all, not even her own name, the Avengers start calling her 'Angie' after news outlets and various other media comment on her capture. Some people call her an angel while most call her a freak. Bucky calls her a friend.
> 
> This can be read as a platonic friendship unless you wish to read more into the last line.

            Stormy blue eyes snap open in the dark. His teeth are clenched as he bites back a cry of pain. He grips his left arm...or what's left of it. With a hand over the attachment socket of his left arm, James Buchanan Barnes sits up in his sweat-drenched sheets with only the light of the moon to illuminate his room.

            Damn it! There it is again. Snarling, the grip of his right hand tightens, digging into the flesh of his collar.

            _Damn it, Barnes! It's not there. It's not real. That stupid, nagging itch is not real! There is no saw! That was more than seventy years ago--stupid! It's not there anymore--so why's it still hurting like a bitch?_

Biting his lip to keep from cursing (knowing that Stark has programmed the AI with a 'Language!' protocol to annoy Steve) Bucky kicks off the covers and heads to the door. On nights like these, when phantom pains prevent him from sleeping, he usually goes out to train in hopes of taking his mind off of the sensations.

            Despite the fact that his time in Wakanda got rid of HYDRA's programming, Bucky still insists on stowing his left arm when he's not on a mission--particularly when he's asleep. HYDRA programming or not, he often wakes up having punched something in his sleep. he often dreams of combat. Sometimes he's the old Bucky, fighting in a war, other times he dreams he is the soldier punching his way out of an altercation. By removing his left arm he ensures the integrity of the walls, furniture, and people around him (Sam found that out the hard way during movie-night when he sat too close to a Bucky that had dozed off).

            Bucky fully intends to head to a training room. While touching the stump of his left arm grounds him a little, he still wants to do something to take his mind off of the memory of the painful sensations radiating from his missing limb. As his door slides shut behind him his enhanced hearing picks up another sound.

            Scratching.

            Curious, he heads in the direction of the sound. He walks down the hallway of bedrooms. Most are empty, some are guest rooms. The Avengers Compound is a designated training area for new/potential recruits to the Avengers. Tony built this place with that in mind, that someday the team (and additions) would need a place to stay.

            The Accords are far from settled. They were thrown into unstable territory when Wakanda decided to open its borders. The establishment of the Wakanda Outreach Centre in Oakland has complicated matters relating to the Accords. Wakandian technology and medical research is head and shoulders above the rest of the world's--to the point where some nations involved in the Accords cried foul at the United States having a Wakanda Outreach Centre in the country.

            The Avengers and other enhanced individuals decided to band together to present a united front. Recent developments have changed quite a few minds. While the governments involved are trying to keep The Raft a secret, rumors of enhanced individuals being put in cells and straight-jackets are not sitting well with some that previously supported the Accords. Apparently, Stark leaked some footage he managed to get of Wanda, Clint, Sam, and Scott in the Raft when he went to visit before Siberia.

            Their 'criminal' label was put on hold and Steve and the rest were allowed to come home. Officially, they are free citizens again, but they can't be too complacent. They know they are being watched. They know that all it will take is one fanatic to cause this unsteady peace to shatter. Those with families know that they can't go home and run the risk of sweeping their beloved families into the fray. Because of that, they all had to get creative.

            The Avengers Compound is cloaked by SHIELD's best stealth technology, jammers and scramblers, and Wakanda's camouflage technology. Officially, it cannot be stumbled upon. Despite all that security, some of the Avengers and enhanced individuals have opted to leave the facility--to try to regain some semblance of normalcy. It's safe, but confining oneself to the place will eventually make it into a prison.

            Clint managed to arrange a hotel to stay at with his wife and kids (under the radar). Tony is off with Pepper, busy being the face of Stark Industries. Wanda and Vision took off somewhere together. The new recruits have homes and duties of their own. At least one of them is just finishing up high school (Bucky, Sam, and Scott still can't live that one down) and hasn't been officially adopted by the Avengers. The world doesn't yet know about him and thus he is off the hook for the Accords at present, but Stark has prepared contingency plans for a day when all of that goes to shit.

            The only ones currently in the compound are those of them with nowhere else to go. Steve and Bucky don't exactly have families and roofs to go home to, so the compound is their home at the moment. Aside from them...who else is still here?

            Bucky stops outside of one of the doors. It's marked with a baseball-sized symbol like the other occupied rooms. This one is a pair of wings. All of the rooms that are occupied by someone are marked by a symbol in lieu of nameplates because some of their identities are still a mystery and Tony thought it would be pretentious to put hero names on all the doors. His is a red star in a silver circle, Steve's is his shield, and this one is a set of wings.

            Angie.

            What's she doing awake? Now that he is closer, Bucky can make out the sounds on the other side of the door in more detail. It's definitely scratching. It's the sound of nails on flesh--shreding, tearing, clawing.

            He knocks and then tries the knob. Surprisingly, it opens. Ah, she did tell him about that once. Something about nightmares of being locked-in causing her to dislike locking any of her own doors, regardless if it's from the inside or not. Apparently, she panics after a nightmare and being unable to open her door because she forgot to unlock it was causing her more stress.

            Once he cracks the door open the scent of blood wafts up to his nose. Yup--definitely something clawing at flesh.

            "Angie?" Bucky calls out in hopes of not startling her. The scratching sound stops.

            "Who's...Bucky?" Bucky reaches for the light-switch, needing to see more than just a silhouette against the moonlight coming in through the windows.

            He flips the switch and waits for his eyes to adjust (adjustable lighting--something he'll bring up to Stark at some point for those that are haunted by nightmares and want to see without blinding themselves late at night). What he sees gives him a shock.

            Angie is sitting on her bed, legs bent in an awkward 'W'. Her back is to him and he can see the blood clearly on her light night-gown. Her wings are folded loosely and he can clearly see the blood seeping into fabric from the slits that allow her wings out. Her arms are bent awkwardly, reaching--no, clawing--at her back where the wings join with her shoulder blades.

            "What are you doing?" Bucky can't keep the edge of panic out of his voice that comes out sounding like suppressed rage.

            Angie flinches at the tone in his voice as he strides toward her bed purposefully. She  retracts her hands, trying to hide her bloody fingernails from his gaze. Too late. He catches her by a wrist and even-one-handed manages to maneuver her to face him. He's glaring at her.

            "I-It's...stupid." Mentally kicking herself for those being the first words of her explanation, she hurries to elaborate. "The grafting was decades ago but sometimes it feels like it's still happening." If she had lifted her head she would have seen the subtle widening of Bucky's eyes. "Sometimes it feels like they're still cutting into me. I feel the blades back there and I just...it hurts. I don't remember any of it but I still...I still feel it sometimes." She peeks up at Bucky through her hair, gauging his reaction.

            Bucky sighs, slapping a hand to his forehead.

            _Of course, he thinks you're an idiot._

            "Move over." Bucky's gruff voice commands and she barely has time to follow the order before he plops himself down on the bed beside her. She scrambles to move out of the way and re-positions herself, allowing her legs to drape over the side of the bed. Bucky leans back on his hand, looking up.

            "It's not stupid. I get it too." Her eyes widen. "Phantom pains. Apparently, when limbs are amputated--or in your case, added--there have been reports of people still feeling sensations in the missing limb." Bucky gestures to the empty space where his left arm would have been. "Sometimes it itches. It's been more than seventy years since I lost it, but there are days when I still feel an itch on my elbow, or an electrified rotary cutter slicing across the stump of my wrist. Some mornings I try to tug my pants on with both of my arms only to get halfway up. I thought both arms were there, but I find my left five feet from me, leaning on the door." Bucky snorts back a laugh and turns to face Angie.

            "What helps?" Angie is twitchy. It's obvious that she's still feeling the sensations in her back as they speak.

            "Well, sometimes touching it," Bucky grips his left shoulder. "helps ground me in reality. Sometimes it's enough to tell myself that the arm's not there and the sensation fades away." He watches Angie out of the corner of his eye, noticing her arching, trying to subtly reach for her back. "Most of the time, I look for a distraction."

            Gently, he firmly stops her wandering hands with his right and brings his right hand up. He gives her an inquisitive look, asking for permission, before he gently cups his hand under one of her wing joints. She flinches at the initial touch. Bucky gently begins to pinch and knead at the joint, feeling the blurred boundary between flesh and feathers. The feathers are soft, but the flesh is firm--painfully so. She's been straining too much for too long. She's been awake long enough to carve those scratches pretty deep into her flesh and he can feel her muscles cramping and protesting under his fingers. She leans into his touch, seeming to find some relief from it. He spreads out the area he massages, wishing he had thought to put on his left arm before leaving. He gently kneads at the different muscle groups in her back, not caring that his hand comes away covered with blood. Once his arm begins to tire he claps his hand over her shoulder.

            "That's enough for now. Get washed up and changed." He gets up, making his way to the door. "Stop clawing yourself raw. Next time it happens, find me. We'll figure out less bloody ways to deal with it, yeah?"

            "R-Right. T-Thank you!" Angie scrambles to get up and see him out of her room. "A-And...uhm...I don't know what I can do to help but...w-when it happens to you please come find me. I-I'll try to be a distraction."

            Bucky chuckles.                                       

            "You already are, doll."

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments if you wish. I really hope I did the phantom pain concept justice.


End file.
